Saturday, April 23, 2005

Doubts & Confusion

I wanna feel it again
the thrill
the butterflies
the joy
of this beautiful feeling
of Love

I wanna see it again
the sparkles
in this brownish eyes of mine
the silliness
printed on my very own smiles
whenever my dreams
my memories
my daylight thoughts
are about you

My heart's travelled this far
....for you
a long journey
through the dark shadows
pass lots of hard times
break the rocky hills
of my own horror
of my huge doubts
for this stupid
but yet
the greatest feeling of all
named Love

and years....
where have they gone?
It feels like yesterday
the moment when you
whispered in my ears

My feelings
and yours...
have grown this big
like a huge ball
round and strong

I woke up this morning
and saw stain of tears
on my pillow
I don't understand
what's happening
I feel numb
a big hole
of emptiness

I don't feel
the closeness
the tickles of butterflies
I've lost it
the leaps of joy

It scares me
I can't gaze the tempting image of yours
not clearly
not anymore
It's frightening me
Who are you
not that one figure
whom I used to heart much
not anymore

Where is it
the old silly thing
called Love
it's still said
it's still being written
I don't need words

I'm loosing it
the feeling
the genuine pure touch
of the simple
spontaneous expressions

I don't wanna stay here
in this mud of doubt
in this growing hole
of emptiness
but I'm afraid
I'm terrified
of loneliness

I can't stay like this
Will you do something
Should I do something
Shall we do something
I hate this confusion
leaving me in the middle
......of nowhere


Telescopic_viewpoint said...

I enjoyed how you highlighted Love in a different colour. It made the poem stand out more.
I have actually never heard of someone being able to smell sadness. Quite a feat. Thank you for the rather pleasing comment.
And yes, love is, perhaps, the greatest inspiration of all. It breeds with death.

Whoami said...

Hi Rinaku, I like:

"The butterflies
the joy...the sparkles in this brownish eyes of mine" and "the silliness printed on my very own smiles" - exactly my feelings when things were not going too well when things were not going too smoothly during the courting days of my relationship with my husband.

"I don't feel
the closeness
the tickles of butterflies
I've lost it
the leaps of joy"

We have been married for 20 years and although we feel the closeness as there is always a bond that is strong because we have been through thick and thin together and raised two kids, sometimes I would like to also feel the tickles of butterfly and at times because of the sheer weight of living I cannot help but feel that I have also lost the "leaps of joy". But it is not the loss of love that causes this, but more because love is now cast in stone and is no more fluid and unpredictable. So to love at this stage that you speak of is the most exciting and colourful part of loving someone.

RinAku said...

Hi Telescopic_viewpoint!

Thanks for commenting :) hahahaha...yea, I always like to play with words whenever I'm in an expressive mood.

Yea, Love. I haven't been any romantic mood of this thing called love lately, though.

I've just read your new posts. Like them all. I think you'll make yourself a good poet ^__+

Hi Aquarius! Thank You for your long comment :)))

Yes, you're so right. If two individuals have been through so many things together in a marriage, there's always a bond that makes you close to each other.

But the thing is that I'm not sure I still have the bond that I used to have with my boy friend. I'm in a state of thinking deeply... of what decision should be taken.

I just hope, whatever it's something I shall not regret.

Thanks :) I always aprreciate your comments. They make me think or even view them in a different way sometimes.

Carla said...


but you can't see the sparkles in your own eyes, dear. I can! :))

RinAku said...

Carla : Well, I surely can't see the sparkles in my own eyes. You know it's just a way of playing with words. I can do so if I look at myself in front of a mirror anyway. hehehe....

Thanks :))

Antonio said...

Reading your poems inspire me to write one myself soon.