1.5 years of motherhood

It's been such a long time since I last blogged that sometimes I forget that I actually do have a blog. Anyways, what a life it has been. It is just unpredictable. Some things are just even better than what I once thought while some others are more complicated. Still, I'm grateful that I can go through my every-day life as a working mother and a wife.

So, has it really been 1.5 years? Sometimes I feel that it was just yesterday when I delivered my super active little Maxi in that small hospital. Being a working mother is really a lot of work. There were some considerations before I finally signed myself in Embassy-my present work place, while keeping my private teaching job. On one hand, I didn't want to lose any moments of maxi's little actions. On the other hand, despite the need to get new challenges, I had to support the family financially.

Well, talking about motherhood, I am now used to having unsound sleep and backaches (hope it's not because I'm getting older :p) and taking anemia supplements every now and then, especially when I feel dizzy due to sleepless nights. Now I know why the word 'sacrifice' would best describe a mother.

Spending some time with maxi every morning before I leave for Embassy or private teaching is just priceless and irreplaceable. It's amazing to witness every single progress and growth of a baby. I do not have the time to read my fav novels anymore as by the time maxi is asleep, I have house chores to do or I am too tired and sleepy to even read the first few lines of the first page. Still, I will never replace my quality time with maxi with anything, even it's a week self-indulging trip to the best holiday spot :)

Well, what can I say? Maxi is now my world! [well, it doesn't mean that you're not part of my world too, hubby baby :)]

Not Mine

Is it a home?
It is....but not mine
It's his and hers
It's never mine
There's too much of the past
of old images and memories
There was first love and desire
There are new stories and chapters
Still....it's not a home
not mine...
Someday.....will be
A place of mine and my little one's
A place where this heart can linger and stay
Someday....
I believe

Entering marriage life

It's the 2nd month of me being a wife. Till 8 months ago never I thought that I would be meeting someone that never crossed my imagination nor would I be married to him this soon. But, that's life....we never know what lies ahead. It felt like yesterday when it all started. Things happened so fast from dating to proposal, then to marriage and soon to be a mother.

This is something new for me. I'm sure most newly-weds would say the same thing. Me...someone who has been super independent, now is learning how to share a lot of things with someone else. Well, I'm not saying that I never share things with other people, it's just it's so different. It's not that easy to share some of your thoughts, especially private ones to somebody else, even your most loved one.

Just within two months, there are some major changes and a few big surprises. It takes a lot of considerations to make the best decisions. There are moments when I just wanna be selfish, but I'm no longer single again. I now have someone whom I'm sharing a life with. So, whatever happens...we just have to stick together and deal with it.

Despite the problems, I do enjoy being a married woman. I would say it's like a journey. It's exciting, surprising, unpredictable, emotional sometimes (or is it just me being sensitive pregnant woman :p), and.... Well, it's just undescribable :) Indeed!

Hope & Fear

Feeling it....

gives me hope
lifts my feet a bit off the ground
adds a little green and yellow to my grey days
makes me alive

Feeling it....

gives me fear
of uncertainty and heartbreak
gives me doubts
of tomorrow and the day after
gives me pain
of haunting past and old story

I wanna believe it
............... lean on it
................ keep it
and breathe it

God help me........