Friday, May 27, 2005

Heaven on Earth

Strolling along the dessert of blue
Feeling the warmth of this ivory carresing dust,
beneath my bare feet
Capturing the almost white horizon
Listening to the whispers of the wind
Watching the steps of the waves
I wish I could stay here forever

As the sun goes down,
and the yellow spectrum turns red
As the waves reach the clouds,
showing their passion for the night
As the air gets a bit chilly,
but still the warmth stays
If I could witness these all my life

I see the sincerity on each smile
of those pure innocent souls of island
I heart the simplicity of every thought
of those sweet exotic faces
I admire the strength and faith
of those lovable survivors
I wish my life would only be simple

As I walk away,
dim lights lead my way
Saving me from absolute darkness
As I look up there,
thousand of stars shower my half-tanned body
Saving me from loneliness

If I could only stay
If I could only live
If I could only breathe
If I could only rest
in this small heaven
My heaven on earth

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I'm Back !

Wednesday, May 25.

I'm home! ^__+

What a short get-away :( I wish I had a few more days to stay in Gili Trawangan, my favourite island. It was hard to step on my feet on the boat which took me to cross the strait. I hated myself for doing a late booking. I could have got a flight home yesterday, on Tuesday, May 24, if I had called the travel agent earlier. Tuesday was a national holiday, so I actually had one more night to stay in Gili, instead of going back on Monday. And another thing is I missed the full-moon party held on Monday evening, from 7 p.m onwards. It's a big event in Gili island, for this party is held once in 2 years, on a full-moon night. Tourists and local people from Bali and Lombok always come to Gili for this big event.

Thinking how short my days-off is, I envy my best friend, Carla. She is staying in Lombok till Saturday.Hiks hiks hiks....

Well, despite my regrets for late booking, I really enjoyed my 1 night in Senggigi and 2 nights in Trawangan. It was great to do whatever things I wanted to. I met new people and made friends with some of them. It's just nice and fun.

Ah yea, I finally tried 'snorkelling' !!! WoW !!! I'm not really a good swimmer, so I had been afraid to try it before my recent visit to Gili. It's really amazing to see things under water. The colourful coral, the fish, the sea-weed, and else. I would have tried it a long time ago if I had known how beatiful those things are. It's just WOW!!! I got sunburn at my back and arms, but everything I saw was worth-seeing. So, no regrets. ^__^

It's suprising how the local people there, especially the ones I met 2 years ago, on my first visit to that island, remembered me and my friend, Carla. We then found out that there're not many Indonesian girls who travel there like us, two beautiful young women. hehehehehehe.........

I was speechless when I saw the beautiful sunset from the hill on the other side of the island. Too bad I didn't have my camera to take some shots of the beach and the sunset.

I liked it a lot...just to lie down and see the sky and clouds. They seemed so close that I could almost touch them. Amazing.

I feel a lot better now, fresher and more energetic. I'm glad I decided to take a few days-off. I now have to deal with my crazy days again, but now that I've got my spirit back, I shall be able to manage everything.


PS: I'll write the complete story of my 4 days-trip to Lombok on RinAku-journey soon.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

A Get Away

First of all, thanks to aquarius for your concern, attention, and for liking my writings. I haven’t been on blog for about 2 weeks. I actually wanted to write some, but there has been too much to deal with lately. It’s been harder to breathe.

Work has been busy as always. In fact this month and next month are the busiest months of the year at my place. I’ve been dealing more with handling problems concerning class management and teaching performance of the part-time teachers than the program itself. So, it’s been pretty tough. It has made me wonder why they can’t just be ‘teachers’ and behave like what they should instead of acting like children. *sigh* However, I’ve learnt more about socializing and human’s relationship. I may not be that good at coordinating people, but I’ve been trying my best as a coordinator.

Well, though work is pretty crazy, it’s not the thing that has been bothering me. It’s more about personal things, especially about relationship. I just don’t know.... I feel empty. I can’t think. I’m not even sure what I want. I hate feeling like this.

I never thought that this thing called relationship between a man and a woman would affect me this much. I thought I was that strong. In fact I’m not. I’m just a woman who has feelings. When the willingness and effort to keep the bond aren’t there anymore, what should I expect? Haven’t I tried much? Haven’t I been understanding enough? Haven’t I....?

I’m just fed up. I need to get away somewhere. I’ve asked my boss for a few days-off. Well, it’s actually not the right time to leave work, but I badly need to be alone and think. Getting away from work and home and refreshing my mind are just the things I’ve gotta do. So, I’m leaving tomorrow to Lombok, one of my favourite places in this country. I’m going to explore 1 or 2 spots I’ve never visited before. Hopefully, I’ll have a lighter heart and fresher mind when I’m back. I’m away from tomorrow, May 19 to 23.

So, till then :)

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I do have a Life

I crawl on my limp skinny legs
I breathe this poisonous killing air
I walk in this sucking deep swamp
I laugh under this burning eye-hurting sun
I run on this smelly rotten land
I sleep under this damn cold moonlight sheet
I do have a life

I walk and walk
till this earth eats the last thin layer of my worn out shoes,
leave me on my bleeding feet
I stumble and fall,
then walk,
but fall again
I hold on my last strength,
and get on my two shaky knees,
leave me powerless and useless
I run and run,
to get rid of those demons that haunt my mind,
leave me on this deep sleepy hollow
I do have a life

I stay awake,
keep my droopy narrow eyes half-opened
simply to see the stars mocking me
I think and think,
keep my weary mind alive
only to see my fading conscience surrender to my dark soul
I dig deeper and deeper
keep these two tiny hands of mine sore and tortured
just to see my search is nothing but hopeless wishes
I do have a life

My tears run down my hollow cheeks, leaving an ugly deep trace
My laugh subsides, blown by the silent wind
My shapeless heart's gone cold, frozen by the heartless spirit
My mind loses its way, drags me to insanity
I do have a life
I do

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Woman of the Greatest

To the greatest woman of all who teaches me about life....

Endless patience,
Sincere compassion,
Pure humbleness,
Deep faith,
Strong willingness,
Huge optmism,
White kindness,
Forever love,
Great beliefs,
....are all I see in you.

Your humble arguments show me
that absolute truth isn't my property
Your huge optimism proves me
that misery and pains are not unchangable fate
Your deep faith tells me
that life will finally bring me there, to my colourful land
Your strong willingness teaches me
that rocky hills and big waves are beatable
Your sincere kindness inspires me
that it only takes a silly grin to shine my dark sky

Your endless grumbles speaks to me
that there's a good deed beneath every bugging word
Your rare loudness shouts at me
that a selfish self named ego is not supposed to take control
Your quietness whispers to me
that words sometimes cut like a knife and hurt to the core
Your silly laughs and smiles open me
that things are not as hard as the pictures in my sophisticated mind
Your crazy dance moves talks to me
that being different doesn't make me less human

You're just great
amazing in your imperfection
adorable in your simplicity
astonishing in your illuminated light
gorgeous in your aging cover
just that great

The greatest of the greatest

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I hate you, but I Love You

To the man who took part in bringing me to this planet,

I hate you...
for leaving me in a mud of misery
for ignoring my pains
for smiling at my failures
for missing my hurtful moments
for letting me grow
in a jungle full of beasts

I loathe you...
when you raise me up high
that I could almost touch the cloud with my bare hands
but then push me hard
and let me fall into deepest nothingness
when you flower my shinny sky with every colour on earth
but then sweep it all with the darkest colour I've never thought existed
and let me cry till my last tear-drop
when you show me the key to the place that trapping me
but then just stand there and see me with empty look

but when...
I catch a glimpse of your limb figure
I see helplessness in your two black eyes
I view deep scratches of life's claws on your aging face
I look at your indescribable yet unsaid pride for my shinning star
I notice a silly smile of yours that similar to mine
I watch the falling greyish strings on your head
I taste the salty reddish blood of yours that runs in mine

my heart aches
my heart beats
my tear drops
my ice melts

I hate you
I loathe you
but somehow....
I love you.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Manga Me

Rina sensei.jpg

Posted by Hello

This is a birthday present from my talented private student, Wendy. Thanks a lot for this drawing and allowing me to post it on my blog, Wen! Domo Arigato! I really love this manga version of ME. WoW! Am I that sexy? hehehehe.....

Sunday, May 01, 2005


Saturday, April 30, 2005.
10 p.m.

Phew, what a tiring day! I had a nice time, though, going out with my best friends to Plaza Tunjungan. It's great to get together again after some crazy hectic weeks. I sometimes am amazed of how we, Ery,Yuli,Mariza, and I, can stick together till now. It's just like yesterday when we were still together in university, hanging out at the campus food-court, enjoying Mas Bram's noodles and mango juice, and talking about whatever topic we had in mind.

Time flies by.Wow! We are 26 now! Wow! Where have those fun unburdening times gone? I remember when we used to talk about our dreams after we graduated from school. It was funny how we imagined of living in the same neighbourhood later when we're married. We thought it was a sort of fun idea, for we would be able to visit each other anytime we wanted. Our husbands and children would be friends, just like us. The idea of that sort of togetherness sounded pretty cool.

I looked at my friends' faces as we were talking about the food we're eating and else. Everyone has changed a lot. It seems that our experiences have made us grown much, especially mentally. Mariza is no longer, at least not exactly, the same person I used to know. She now reveals her feminine side more and seems to give more atttention to her physical side. Well, she still comes late to almost every appointment made, but she is really different now. I somehow like this new version of her. And the best part I like about her now is she has more concerns on work and making a life. I'm just glad to see that.

We don't meet one another much anymore, unlike the old times. It's pretty hard to adjust our schedule just to go out for a movie or a chat. However, we always make time to get together whenever one of us is celebrating her birthday. We have made it as a tradition to eat out together, which is a treat from the birthday girl. This treating time has always been one of the most expected moments in a year for us. The idea of trying new restaurant in town, sitting together at a table, talking about anything that makes us laugh and smiles, and sharing some stories of our personal lives are just great.

It makes me smiles whenever I remember how Yuli could be so selfish, inconsiderate, and damn childish, which were the characterictics that I hated much. Mariza and Ery were also annoyed, but they didn't express their complaints much. I was the loudest among us, so I sometimes had a big argument and even quarrelled with her when we were in university. Now, she still has those characteristics, but not as strong as before. I guess working as a kindergarten teacher has somehow made her a more mature and more patient person.

When I looked at Ery during our conversation about the korean movie we both like, I suddenly saw something. She was the closest person, whom I used to share a lot of private things, even secrets. To me, she now looks a lot more beautiful than before. I can't tell which part of her face that makes her look so. She still has the same nose, eyes, and cheeks. I guess her beauty comes out more from her inner-self than from her physical side. Maybe she feels happier with her life and knows how to lighten all hard things she has to deal with. One thing about her that still stays is her big patience. She has always been the most patient and thoughtful one in the gang.

This gathering of my birthday celebration suddenly makes me think a lot about friendship. We've been friends for almost 8 years and have been through so many things together. Each of us has stuffs that keep our hands full now. We are all working our way to reach our dreams and deepest wishes. We may not be able to get together much like we used to, but somehow the closeness is there. The bond is in the air. No matter what happens, no matter how crazy this world is, we will always be friends, who will support one another in bad times and be happy for the others at good times.