Saturday, March 05, 2005

Dream Job

Hmmm, I believe some people must have their own dream jobs, while some others don't.

I claim myself as one who belongs to the second group. Well, If I recall, it's hard to remember whether I really had one particular job that I eagerly dreamt of when I was a child. One day, someone asked me what I wanted to be someday when I was in elementary school, and I said I wanted to be a stewardess because I wanted to travel around the world and wore nice uniform. While at another time, when someone asked me the same question, I gave him or her a different answer. So, I never had any particular dream job.

Later, when I was in senior high, I got the same question and answered that I didn't know what I would be someday, but I wanted a job that would give me a good living and made me happy. Since then, I gave the same answer to anyone asking me such question.

So, here I am now, a teacher, working for an institution that provides language-education service, particularly English, to private schools. It never popped into my head that I would ever be a teacher someday, even when I was still studying at the English Department of a famous private university out here. Well, I did some teaching job, but only privately, as a private lesson teacher. I took that job simply because it was the best choice for a student of teacher's training faculty, for most private English teachers at that time earned good money. Well, we still do.

I imagined I would be working in a big company, perhaps an international one, as a secretary or an office staff, after I graduated from university. However, as people always say that people change. Doing private teaching has brought me to another teaching work in a language institution, in a tax office, in a private college, and now at MLT, my present work place. I never planned for any of them, but as time goes by....I've become really attached to teaching.

Presently, I have 2 jobs. Well, both are still related to teaching. I am a teacher's coordinator, that's my full time job, and am a private lesson teacher, which I take as a side-job. It keeps my hands full to have these 2 jobs. I leave for work early in the morning and go back home in the evening. It's crazy to have 7 hectic days. Though it's very tiring, I used to feel okay it, especially considering the amount of money I got. However, I don't feel the same anymore.

A year ago, I thought my present work place would be my final destination and didn't think much of moving to another place. I said to myself, "this is the place. I belong here." I enjoyed teaching so much back then. I was really full of spirit, though I taught about 11 classes in a week. Everyone at school, my co-workers, and others would always find me smiling,I mean real smiles, the kind of smiles come out from my deepest heart.

Well, I still love teaching and still smile to everyone I meet at school, but I've been feeling that I sometimes do that simply for courtesy. At certain times, especially when I have to teach 6 classes in a row without getting enough time to rest my back and voice and take a deep breath, I realize that I don't give my best teaching performance and show my best health condition, not like I used to.

It's just crazy that this year, my 2nd year, I have 13 classes to teach, and not to mention my new responsibilities as a coordinator. Well, They give me this ridiculous workload because there's a schedule change made by the kindergarten unit, and they told me that they can't find a better candidate. Besides, I'm a full timer, so I should be ready for whatever things they want me to do. I never thought that things would be like this when I decided to sign the contract. They told me that I wouldn't teach as many classes as last year because I got a new position as a coordinator. Yeah right! I shouldn't have taken their words for granted.

Speaking frankly, I love the place where I work and some of the people I work with. The manager is actually fine and quite considerate, but I just hate myself sometimes that I am a dependable person. I often find it hard to say "no". I do realize that I'm engaged to the contract I've signed and I've got some responsibilities on my shoulders, but how unfair it is to be in my position, no matter how much they pay me. It's really stressing. I'm going crazy.

Gosh! I've never been such a complainer before. And now look what I've become!

Now, I doubt it that this is the place where I belong. I doubt that this is the job which I always thought when I was a teen, the one that makes me happy. I'm not that happy anymore. I'm not even sure myself that I will keep this job for another 3 or 4 years like the idea I used to put in mind. I've complained my manager about my crazy workload. He said sorry that he had put me in this condition, but he didn't have other choices.

Well, I believe he did have other choices, but you know...taking the easiest way with the least effort will always be most people's favourite.

Despite all the stress I've been feeling lately, luckily I still have my nice, sweet, weird, loud, smart, funny, crazy, and naughty students . They are a very important detail that binds me in this teaching job. If it neither because of them nor because I always love teaching, I might have quit last year.

Things may be changed, but I don't know. I shall see what they will offer me in my next renewal contract. And for the time being, I'll just hang on here and do my best. Besides, the knowledge and experience I've got are 2 priceless things I should put into my consideration for now.

Well, if people ask me now about my dream job, I'll probably answer, " I want a job that fits my skill, challenges me to improve myself, makes me happy, and of course gives me a good living."



Whoami said...

Hi RinAku,

Some of us dream of a job as you have accurately described as one that "...fits my skill, challenges me to improve myself, makes me happy, and of course gives me a good living."

Like you, I chose a job that I felt would enable me to do all that. Unlike you, I am at the sunset of my career because my value in the account books of the organisation, has depreciated over the years and my maintenance cost is getting unbearably high.

I have given up on those things that I have ceased to believe in about the organisation but there are still aspects that are keeping me going and enjoying the intellectual development as I go along.

People mature and generally get better with age and wisdom grows out of experience so why aren't people like me valued as much as the young, highy qualified new entrants to the labour market?

No matter what, we should never lose sight of who we are. Life is hard in whatever vocation that we have chosen and cruel at times but we must benefit from our experience and learning to make each day and each moment worth living.

So RinAku, you are doing great because you are passionate about teaching. That alone will see you on to even greater achievements.


Dreamer said...

Hey RinAku,

Thanks for the comment on my blog, and I, indeed, miss my boyfriend a lot, as we just see each other about once a month, and it's very lonely being here without him.

But so,... you are a teacher? So do I, and though I never thought about being one, I'm happy so far, but I hope I can do something else later ^^;;;

Good Lucky with things there, bye~

Antonio said...

Growing up in South Korea and onto new life in the U.S.A., I dreamt of becoming an Air Force pilot defending my country. That's all I ever wanted since childhood. In next life, I hope God blesses me with natural 20/20 vision so I can pursue that dream.

Teaching is an honorable profession Rina. I admire your fortitude, dilligence, and maturity.