A Letter to Shinny

Dear Shinny,

Tell me why life is like this?
Tell me why love is painful
but yet wonderful?
Tell me why words are nothing
but sophisticated lies?
Tell me why happiness slips away
not long after it’s held?
Please tell me.

Dear Nighty,
Life is whatever you want it to be
It can be hard
...as hard as you want it to be
It can be light
..as light as you want it to be
The choice is in those two hands of yours.

Dear Nighty,
Love is..
It’s painful
that it makes you think of taking out your heart
and throw it into the deepest ocean
that it makes you feel like taking another heart
and chuck it into small pieces
It’s tricky
that it fools you at your smartest moments
It’s itchy
that no matter how much you scratch
the feeling will stay
But yes,
It is wonderful
It is amazing
It is indescribable
No matter how painful, tricky, and itchy
It will always be missed
It will always come over you,
sticks to your soul
like the most contagious virus
Then,
you’ll have nowhere to run nor hide.

Dear Nighty,
Words are...
a prospective way to fool any living creature
a desirable way to spread lies and promises
a thoughtful way of setting traps
Even so...
I love them
as much as you do
They can bring you up high
there in the air....in the white sky
They put glitter
there in your smokey eyes
They make you dizzy
that even the best pain killer can do nothing
but surrender to their power.

Dear Nighty,
Happiness is like smoke
It's there flying weightless,
teasing you badly,
simply to come closer
It's there to touch
but not to hold
But why feel sad?
Why confused?
Why making it hard?
It is always there...
here and around,
waiting to be reached
waiting to be found
If it slips out your tiny hands,
catch it
Jump up high,
reach it,
and keep it....as long as you can
Then,
if you lose it for the second time,
jump, reach, and catch it again!

Now...

Now...
Everything has been said
A big rock has been lifted
and thrown away
Those sharp,
small stones
have been moved
to another spot
The old pains
have been released
...a little
The aches are leaving
...a bit
The thick white fog
is clearing up
...slowly

Now...
here we are
facing each other's image
looking through
a transparent glass
gazing at each other's eyes
standing...
you before me
watching every detail
of each other's face

Now...
there's a pinch of relief
there's a lighter feeling
but
the numb somehow stays
the hole is still opened
the doubt is still there

Now...
no one moves
nobody talks
no words
no acts
not even a sound of breath
Darn silence
I loathe you
Helplessness
leave me!
Someone's gotta
.....move
.....write
write something
use that old black pen

No!!
no more writing
say something!
reach the old-new spontaneous thing
break..
break it
The silence

Now!

Doubts & Confusion

I wanna feel it again
the thrill
the butterflies
the joy
of this beautiful feeling
of Love

I wanna see it again
the sparkles
in this brownish eyes of mine
the silliness
printed on my very own smiles
whenever my dreams
my memories
my daylight thoughts
are about you

My heart's travelled this far
....for you
a long journey
through the dark shadows
pass lots of hard times
break the rocky hills
of my own horror
of my huge doubts
for this stupid
but yet
the greatest feeling of all
named Love

Days...
months...
and years....
where have they gone?
It feels like yesterday
the moment when you
whispered in my ears

My feelings
and yours...
have grown this big
like a huge ball
round and strong

but....strange.....
I woke up this morning
and saw stain of tears
on my pillow
I don't understand
what's happening
I feel numb
a big hole
of emptiness

I don't feel
the closeness
the tickles of butterflies
I've lost it
the leaps of joy

It scares me
I can't gaze the tempting image of yours
not clearly
not anymore
It's frightening me
Who are you
not that one figure
whom I used to heart much
not anymore

Where is it
the old silly thing
called Love
it's still said
it's still being written
I don't need words

I'm loosing it
the feeling
the genuine pure touch
of the simple
spontaneous expressions

I don't wanna stay here
in this mud of doubt
trapped
in this growing hole
of emptiness
but I'm afraid
I'm terrified
of loneliness

I can't stay like this
Will you do something
Should I do something
Shall we do something
I hate this confusion
leaving me in the middle
......of nowhere

I Love Holiday!

* stretch *

* yawn yawn *

* stretch stretch *

What a great feeling! Waking up in a nice bright morning and breathe the fresh air.

-taking a deep breath-
Hmmmmmmm......

Looking trough my window, I can see the green grass in the garden. I could almost see the morning dew on the tip of those small greenish leaves.

Aah.....^__^ How I love holiday! Yaay! No rushing, no going around the room to prepare this and that, no moving from one place to another under the recent extreme heat, and no leaving early and going back late in the evening. So happy!

*big smile*

Today, I just wanna relax and enjoy the day. Lazying some will be great too, so I think I’ll do that. Ah yea, I may need to clean up my messy room and put everything back on its place. My poor room! Sorry for neglecting you lately :p.

Hmmm....maybe going out to a book store is also a great idea. Who knows I’ll find new novels or comic books to buy. Great! I’ll have some reading to accompany me today J. This afternoon may be a good time to head out.

I don’t wanna think much about the things bothering my mind these past few days. No heart ache, no frowns, no long face, and no tears. I just wanna be happy, feel free, and be my self! Yeah!

^___^

Ah ya, I’m going out to a club out here tonight with my friends. It’s gonna be great! We’re gonna meet, talk, enjoy the music, dance some, and have fun together. Yaaaay!!!

How I love holiday!