Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Woman of the Greatest
To the greatest woman of all who teaches me about life....
Endless patience,
Sincere compassion,
Pure humbleness,
Deep faith,
Strong willingness,
Huge optmism,
White kindness,
Forever love,
Great beliefs,
....are all I see in you.
Your humble arguments show me
that absolute truth isn't my property
Your huge optimism proves me
that misery and pains are not unchangable fate
Your deep faith tells me
that life will finally bring me there, to my colourful land
Your strong willingness teaches me
that rocky hills and big waves are beatable
Your sincere kindness inspires me
that it only takes a silly grin to shine my dark sky
Your endless grumbles speaks to me
that there's a good deed beneath every bugging word
Your rare loudness shouts at me
that a selfish self named ego is not supposed to take control
Your quietness whispers to me
that words sometimes cut like a knife and hurt to the core
Your silly laughs and smiles open me
that things are not as hard as the pictures in my sophisticated mind
Your crazy dance moves talks to me
that being different doesn't make me less human
You're just great
amazing in your imperfection
adorable in your simplicity
astonishing in your illuminated light
gorgeous in your aging cover
just that great
The greatest of the greatest
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
I hate you, but I Love You
To the man who took part in bringing me to this planet,
I hate you...
for leaving me in a mud of misery
for ignoring my pains
for smiling at my failures
for missing my hurtful moments
for letting me grow
in a jungle full of beasts
I loathe you...
when you raise me up high
that I could almost touch the cloud with my bare hands
but then push me hard
and let me fall into deepest nothingness
when you flower my shinny sky with every colour on earth
but then sweep it all with the darkest colour I've never thought existed
and let me cry till my last tear-drop
when you show me the key to the place that trapping me
but then just stand there and see me with empty look
but when...
I catch a glimpse of your limb figure
I see helplessness in your two black eyes
I view deep scratches of life's claws on your aging face
I look at your indescribable yet unsaid pride for my shinning star
I notice a silly smile of yours that similar to mine
I watch the falling greyish strings on your head
I taste the salty reddish blood of yours that runs in mine
my heart aches
my heart beats
my tear drops
my ice melts
I hate you
I loathe you
but somehow....
I love you.
I hate you...
for leaving me in a mud of misery
for ignoring my pains
for smiling at my failures
for missing my hurtful moments
for letting me grow
in a jungle full of beasts
I loathe you...
when you raise me up high
that I could almost touch the cloud with my bare hands
but then push me hard
and let me fall into deepest nothingness
when you flower my shinny sky with every colour on earth
but then sweep it all with the darkest colour I've never thought existed
and let me cry till my last tear-drop
when you show me the key to the place that trapping me
but then just stand there and see me with empty look
but when...
I catch a glimpse of your limb figure
I see helplessness in your two black eyes
I view deep scratches of life's claws on your aging face
I look at your indescribable yet unsaid pride for my shinning star
I notice a silly smile of yours that similar to mine
I watch the falling greyish strings on your head
I taste the salty reddish blood of yours that runs in mine
my heart aches
my heart beats
my tear drops
my ice melts
I hate you
I loathe you
but somehow....
I love you.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Friends
Saturday, April 30, 2005.
10 p.m.
Phew, what a tiring day! I had a nice time, though, going out with my best friends to Plaza Tunjungan. It's great to get together again after some crazy hectic weeks. I sometimes am amazed of how we, Ery,Yuli,Mariza, and I, can stick together till now. It's just like yesterday when we were still together in university, hanging out at the campus food-court, enjoying Mas Bram's noodles and mango juice, and talking about whatever topic we had in mind.
Time flies by.Wow! We are 26 now! Wow! Where have those fun unburdening times gone? I remember when we used to talk about our dreams after we graduated from school. It was funny how we imagined of living in the same neighbourhood later when we're married. We thought it was a sort of fun idea, for we would be able to visit each other anytime we wanted. Our husbands and children would be friends, just like us. The idea of that sort of togetherness sounded pretty cool.
I looked at my friends' faces as we were talking about the food we're eating and else. Everyone has changed a lot. It seems that our experiences have made us grown much, especially mentally. Mariza is no longer, at least not exactly, the same person I used to know. She now reveals her feminine side more and seems to give more atttention to her physical side. Well, she still comes late to almost every appointment made, but she is really different now. I somehow like this new version of her. And the best part I like about her now is she has more concerns on work and making a life. I'm just glad to see that.
We don't meet one another much anymore, unlike the old times. It's pretty hard to adjust our schedule just to go out for a movie or a chat. However, we always make time to get together whenever one of us is celebrating her birthday. We have made it as a tradition to eat out together, which is a treat from the birthday girl. This treating time has always been one of the most expected moments in a year for us. The idea of trying new restaurant in town, sitting together at a table, talking about anything that makes us laugh and smiles, and sharing some stories of our personal lives are just great.
It makes me smiles whenever I remember how Yuli could be so selfish, inconsiderate, and damn childish, which were the characterictics that I hated much. Mariza and Ery were also annoyed, but they didn't express their complaints much. I was the loudest among us, so I sometimes had a big argument and even quarrelled with her when we were in university. Now, she still has those characteristics, but not as strong as before. I guess working as a kindergarten teacher has somehow made her a more mature and more patient person.
When I looked at Ery during our conversation about the korean movie we both like, I suddenly saw something. She was the closest person, whom I used to share a lot of private things, even secrets. To me, she now looks a lot more beautiful than before. I can't tell which part of her face that makes her look so. She still has the same nose, eyes, and cheeks. I guess her beauty comes out more from her inner-self than from her physical side. Maybe she feels happier with her life and knows how to lighten all hard things she has to deal with. One thing about her that still stays is her big patience. She has always been the most patient and thoughtful one in the gang.
This gathering of my birthday celebration suddenly makes me think a lot about friendship. We've been friends for almost 8 years and have been through so many things together. Each of us has stuffs that keep our hands full now. We are all working our way to reach our dreams and deepest wishes. We may not be able to get together much like we used to, but somehow the closeness is there. The bond is in the air. No matter what happens, no matter how crazy this world is, we will always be friends, who will support one another in bad times and be happy for the others at good times.
10 p.m.
Phew, what a tiring day! I had a nice time, though, going out with my best friends to Plaza Tunjungan. It's great to get together again after some crazy hectic weeks. I sometimes am amazed of how we, Ery,Yuli,Mariza, and I, can stick together till now. It's just like yesterday when we were still together in university, hanging out at the campus food-court, enjoying Mas Bram's noodles and mango juice, and talking about whatever topic we had in mind.
Time flies by.Wow! We are 26 now! Wow! Where have those fun unburdening times gone? I remember when we used to talk about our dreams after we graduated from school. It was funny how we imagined of living in the same neighbourhood later when we're married. We thought it was a sort of fun idea, for we would be able to visit each other anytime we wanted. Our husbands and children would be friends, just like us. The idea of that sort of togetherness sounded pretty cool.
I looked at my friends' faces as we were talking about the food we're eating and else. Everyone has changed a lot. It seems that our experiences have made us grown much, especially mentally. Mariza is no longer, at least not exactly, the same person I used to know. She now reveals her feminine side more and seems to give more atttention to her physical side. Well, she still comes late to almost every appointment made, but she is really different now. I somehow like this new version of her. And the best part I like about her now is she has more concerns on work and making a life. I'm just glad to see that.
We don't meet one another much anymore, unlike the old times. It's pretty hard to adjust our schedule just to go out for a movie or a chat. However, we always make time to get together whenever one of us is celebrating her birthday. We have made it as a tradition to eat out together, which is a treat from the birthday girl. This treating time has always been one of the most expected moments in a year for us. The idea of trying new restaurant in town, sitting together at a table, talking about anything that makes us laugh and smiles, and sharing some stories of our personal lives are just great.
It makes me smiles whenever I remember how Yuli could be so selfish, inconsiderate, and damn childish, which were the characterictics that I hated much. Mariza and Ery were also annoyed, but they didn't express their complaints much. I was the loudest among us, so I sometimes had a big argument and even quarrelled with her when we were in university. Now, she still has those characteristics, but not as strong as before. I guess working as a kindergarten teacher has somehow made her a more mature and more patient person.
When I looked at Ery during our conversation about the korean movie we both like, I suddenly saw something. She was the closest person, whom I used to share a lot of private things, even secrets. To me, she now looks a lot more beautiful than before. I can't tell which part of her face that makes her look so. She still has the same nose, eyes, and cheeks. I guess her beauty comes out more from her inner-self than from her physical side. Maybe she feels happier with her life and knows how to lighten all hard things she has to deal with. One thing about her that still stays is her big patience. She has always been the most patient and thoughtful one in the gang.
This gathering of my birthday celebration suddenly makes me think a lot about friendship. We've been friends for almost 8 years and have been through so many things together. Each of us has stuffs that keep our hands full now. We are all working our way to reach our dreams and deepest wishes. We may not be able to get together much like we used to, but somehow the closeness is there. The bond is in the air. No matter what happens, no matter how crazy this world is, we will always be friends, who will support one another in bad times and be happy for the others at good times.
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